. . t o b e o r n o t t o b e . .

..keep breathing..

2008-05-21T08:04:00.000-07:00

if you can keep your head when all about you
are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
but make allowance for their doubting too:
if you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
or being hated don't give way to hating,
and yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

if you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
if you can think - and not make thoughts your aim,
if you can meet with triumph and disaster
and treat those two impostors just the same:.
if you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
and stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

if you can make one heap of all your winnings
and risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
and lose, and start again at your beginnings,
and never breathe a word about your loss:
if you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
to serve your turn long after they are gone,
and so hold on when there is nothing in you
except the will which says to them: "hold on!"

if you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
if all men count with you, but none too much:
if you can fill the unforgiving minute
with sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
yours is the earth and everything that's in it,
and - which is more - you'll be a man, my son!

- rudyard kipling

this is one of my all time favourite poem.

sometimes,
in life,
we don't always get what we want,
life doesn't always turn out the way we plan them to be,
there are moments when we feel the world turns its back on us,
there are days when we woke up on the wrong side of bed,
there are moments when we feel tired of living,
and think of resting eternally,
..but life is something precious to end it just like that!!

when you are facing with trouble,
remember one thing,
that allah never put a burden on your shoulder more than you can bear.
..and when you realise that,
pray for a strong back,
rather than for a light load.

to survive it all,
..the key is to keep breathing!!

god bless!!
-guidance, over and out

..the road not taken..

2008-05-21T07:07:00.000-07:00

the road not taken

two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
and sorry I could not travel both
and be one traveler, long I stood
and looked down one as far as I could
to where it bent in the undergrowth;

then took the other, as just as fair
and having perhaps the better claim,
because it was grassy and wanted wear;
though as for that, the passing there
had worn them really about the same,

and both that morning equally lay
in leaves no step had trodden black
oh, I kept the first for another day!
yet knowing how way leads on to way,
i doubted if I should ever come back.

i shall be telling this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
i took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.

- robert frost

many people said that making a decision is among the hardest things in life,
especially when you have a lot of choices.
i don't quite agree with this statement,
to me,
making a decision out of too many choices is only half the story,
the other half is to make the right choice.
..and that is where the real challenge is.

we often face thousand and one choices in life,
from which we make our decision,
but seldom we make the right choice,
and suffer the consequences,
then we start to question ourselves,
all the "what if" and "what might have been" fill our mind,
and we begin to wonder,
what different does it makes had we taken the other path.

but how do we know which is the right choice..?
i believe everyone face the problem of not knowing which to choose,
particularly when one is offered with more than one options.
i believe that it is alright to make mistake,
provided that you learn from them,
and never to make the same mistake again.
..after all,
if you don't make mistake,
you never learn.

never forget to do istikharah when you are uncertain about your decision,
and have faith in Him,
for He knows what's best for you.

*what a girl to do when the answer to her istikharah is in contradiction to the circumstance she faces..?

god bless!!
-guidance, over and out

..apologise..

2008-05-21T06:25:00.000-07:00

sorry seems to be the hardest word,
..forgiving seems to be the hardest act.

is it so..?

i read somewhere in the internet that,
- apologise
- asking for help
- say "thank you"

are among the hardest things man can ever said,
..and by man, i mean anyone who ever breathe.

this happens most probably because they are too eager to defend their ego.
they are too proud to say "i'm sorry",
too arrogant to ask for a helping hand,
and swollen with pride to even appreciate.

some even rather to lose a friend than to say "i'm sorry",
some prefer to fight a losing battle than to ask for help,
and some do not have "thank you" in their dictionary.
..what an attitude!!

i was surprise to receive a text message from my best friend the other day,
he apologised for something he neglected to do,
which to me is really nothing,
consider his circumstance at that particular moment,
i totally understand why he did what he did,
but he surprised me with a humble apology,
and that,
has made my day!!

is it worth to lose a friendship over one's ego..?
is it so hard to admit one's weakness and apologise..?
i am not saying ego is bad,
somehow,
we need it somewhere,
but make sure we know how to control our ego,
and our emotion.

admit your weakness and apologise,
ask for help when you know you need one,
and don't forget to appreciate those who be there for you.

for your humble action,
..could mend some fences.

god bless!!
-guidance, over and out

.. f l y ..

2008-05-07T08:01:00.000-07:00

"come to the edge"
he said.
they said,
"we are afraid"
"come to the edge"
he said.
they came.
he pushed them.
..and they flew.

-guillaume apollinaire

people never knew what they are capable of doing
until,
they were put to test.
..and when it happens,
they do miracle,
which they never knew they have.

"you can do whatever you put your mind to it"

god bless!!
-guidance, over and out

..iqra'..

2008-05-06T06:12:00.000-07:00

read! in the name of thy lord who createth.

research done by _____(i don't remember the organization's name) said that in average, malaysians read two books a year, and that does not include magazines and other non-academic reading materials.
as far as academic is concern, malaysians do not read enough!!
..yeah, and that includes myself.

i found myself in a very uncomfortable situation lately,
i couldn't respond to my lecturer's questions accurtely,
read: lack of vocabulary and definitely lack of content!!
(he was just trying to break the ice before started teaching)
i am positive that i did make a complete fool of myself,
but i really hope he thinks i was nervous then (though i didn't),
at least that was better than not finding the right words to say,
..nervous people handle situation poorly.

from that moment on,
i knew,
i didn't read enough!!
(and yes izu, i know you told me this over and over)

having enough confidence is just half the story,
the other half is knowing what your content is.
..and these two are walking hand in hand with each other,
you need to have both in order to sound convincing,
or at least,
to have yourself be taken seriously.

having only content with the absent of confidence is useless,
you cannot deliver.
having confidence without the content is crazy!!
you do not know what you deliver..(worst)

obviously,
there is no question to why allah asked us to read.

so people,
let's read
and load yourself with enough knowledge to stand out from the crowd.
(in some cases, you could really spare yourself an embarrassment)

god bless!!
-guidance, over and out

..bear the consequences..

2008-05-05T04:15:00.000-07:00

you took away my life,
..but you let me live,

IT'S YOUR FAULT!!

god bless!!
-guidance, over and out

..stuffing thyself..

2008-05-05T03:01:00.000-07:00

haha..
i went to have pizza with elle last friday,
we had a blast!!

elle,
thank you so very much for ronggeng-ronggeng with me.

listening to dondang sayang from our stomachs

..and the feast begins

chicken soup for the soul

..just like the advertisement

..yummy

the art of eating isn't hard to master

you want some..?

we are full

the look of satisfaction

..h.a.p.p.y..

p/s : zawen, ida tak salah, ni semue idea elle (kunon laa)

god bless!!
-guidance, over and out

..and the semester begins..

2008-05-01T10:46:00.000-07:00

back to school!!
short semester began last monday,
and it is my final semester as a first degree student,
yes,
that's right,
two more subjects and i am graduating,
insya allah.

being a final year student,
especially in final semester..
is scary,
at least to me,
people start giving you a glimpse of how real life would be like,
then you would start to think,
are you ready to step out of your comfort zone,
to face the harsh reality,
to be attached to commitment,
will you survive the game of "welcome to the real world" on your own?
is life going to treat you good,
..but most importantly,
can you make it to the last day of the semester successfully?

i did not do so well last semester (according to me..),
so i am giving myself a chance to perform nothing less than perfect this semester,
after all,
it is never too late to bounce back.
please pray for my success!!

god bless!!
-guidance, over and out

..before and after..

2008-04-25T10:42:00.000-07:00

before and after my therapy :

before

after

..and my day was complete!

god bless!!
-guidance, over and out

..in her shoe..

2008-04-25T09:28:00.000-07:00

rose feller said in the movie 'in her shoe' that :
"i get something out of them! when i feel bad i like to treat myself. clothes never look any good.. food just makes me fatter.. shoes always fit."

i couldn't agree more with her,
as a shoes lover,
i totally understand her statement.

i bought myself 3 pairs of shoes today;
a pair of boot,
a pair of open toe hill sandal,
a pair of court shoe,
and they made my world!!
for a while i forgot about the misery i have,
the sadness i hold within,
and get to indulge in its temptation,
god, it's a beautiful feeling!!

thank you allah for the gift of these feet,
at least i can wear those shoes,
alhamdulillah.

god bless!!
-guidance, over and out

..the lunch..

2008-04-25T08:12:00.000-07:00

i had lunch at sushi king today,
and it's my first time (pathetic, i know),
but hey, there's a first time in everything.

i had chicken something something..(i don't remember the name),
and tuna,
and the egg-whatever-the-name-is,
it's delicious!!
and definitely there will be a second time,
and third,
and fourth,
and counting..

to my seven heavens,
let's sushi king!!

innocently waiting for my order to arrive

i think it's tuna, otherwise my bro won't take it

definitely tuna!!

this is the egg-whatever-the-name-is

this is what i had, the-chicken something-something

this is what my bro had, something to do with piri-piri chicken

my attempt to eat with chopstick = succeeded

we need those good bacteria for our stomach

i had FUN!!

god bless!!
-guidance, over and out

..rendezvous with izu..

2008-04-25T07:29:00.000-07:00

how flattered can you be if someone took leave from work to spend their time with you..?
how would you feel if someone take time out of their super duper hectic schedule so that they can have breakfast with you, catch a movie with you, or maybe later on go shopping with you..?

that was what my brother did.
i consider i'm blessed to have him as my brother (not because he took leave, i'm just grateful)
earlier today, we had breakfast together (he succeeded in waking me up,that's why..)
then after the friday prayer we were off to sunway pyramid to have lunch together, catch a movie together and finally...s.h.o.p.p.i.n.g..together.
i emphasize a lot on "together",don't i?
it's because i RARELY have the chance to hang out with my bro,
he is too busy.
that would explain why today i reached the state of euphoria!!
spending time with him,
despite of what we do,
where we go,
who we meet,
is a moment i'm looking forward to and always cherish.

after all,
it's not what you do,
it's who you do it with!!

thank you izu,
i love you
..more than words could say.

god bless!!
-guidance, over and out

..disappointed..

2008-04-23T05:52:00.000-07:00

yes, that is currently my condition.
.d.i.s.a.p.p.o.i.n.t.e.d.
my exam results were out last monday,
it didn't turn out the way i expected it to be,
it was worse.
my brother consoled me by saying "it's not the end of the world",
i nodded,
but deep down inside,
i felt like i was "at world's end".
something within me died that night,
but i can't figure what,
the same feeling i had when i was hurt!!
i was blank for a while,
blur,
didn't talk a lot,
didn't move a lot,
didn't think a lot,
but my mind was wandering,
wonder where it went.
i know in a situation like this,
one should bounce back from one's misery,
but somehow,
i kinda lost the will to do so.

at the moment,
i am picking my pieces one at a time,
slowly.. but surely to be whole again.

i keep saying to myself,
things will get better,
i just need to work harder ( i thought i did ),
for i don't know what the future holds for me.

god bless!!
-guidance, over and out

..responsibility..

2008-04-23T03:50:00.000-07:00

cambridge advance learners dictionary describes "responsibility" as "something that it is your job or duty to deal with".

out of three classes i had today, two were dealing with this matter.
which part of "be responsible" can't certain people understand..?
in eap class today, a classmate failed to submit the outline, and the person has been absent for god knows how many classes, and still can act like there is nothing happen. no initiative to see the lecturer, explain their disappearance from class, give the mc whatsoever.. nothing at all!! luckily, this person came to class today, the others are untraceable!!
i know this because the lecturer keep asking us about these people.
i always wonder how are these kind of people live their life..? without the sense of responsibility. ok, maybe they are responsible in other things, but what makes their study excluded from the list..? as a student, isn't taking care of your study a major part of you..? if you do not want to take the course, please drop it for others who really wanna graduate to take it. let elle take it, she deserves to be in your place! and because of this group of people, the lecturer was mad at the rest of the class.

same thing happened in my amlit class, only this time, it was about presentation, some groups came unprepared.
though the lecturer did not seem to be upset, who knows what goes on her mind.. one person's fault may jeopardize everything.
how do student take responsibility actually..?
do they take it seriously..? or lightly..?
do they know that all of these responsibilities are to prepare them for the real world..?
how many of them really completing the given task by heart..?
what does it like to be an irresponsible person actually..?
anyway,
there is a saying that reads "don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive", but do we need to take everything lightly..?
must we neglect our responsibilities..? so we can be less serious about many things, thus, get out of our life, alive..?
what will we bring out of our life then if we never take responsibility..? will we have anything to be proud of..? hmmm...

in every role we play, there is a responsibility attached to it, take care of it for we will be questioned about it later. and remember, if you can't handle the workload, do not take it in the first place, do not bite of more than you can chew.

god bless!!
-guidance, over and out

..my state of mind..

2008-04-23T03:14:00.000-07:00

this piece of writing is dedicated to my beloved brother;izu, my seven heavens;ina, sue, elle, kakcik, amir, and baby, (there are only 6 because i am the 7th), ayat, mas and kak fynn - these people have inspired me to write, thus, keeping this blog alive. thank you guyz!!

where do i begin..?
frankly speaking,
i am not the kind who shares what goes on my mind with everybody,
i choose to whom i voice everything,
and this is clearly why people like me,
or precisely me,
do not have a blog,
or friendster,
or myspace,
or whatever do people have nowadays,
maybe because i am a secretive person,
maybe because i lead a normal life,
meaning,
i have nothing interesting to share with others..
but i guess that is about to change,
starting 2008,
1429,
i am going to be a new irda,
i will try to be less complicated (please pray this happens),
more "let go, let flow" kinda person,
less caring person (trust me, it's for the best),
i care too much before that i ended up having my heart broken over and over again!!
and i am going to keep this blog (it's a huge step for me, those who understand me know why is it so..),
in what form i am going to post my state of mind is still undecided,
i wish i could write beautiful poetry like kak fynn, like mas,
or write critically like my seven heavens,
or write freely like my izu and ayat,
i do not know yet..
one thing for sure,
i will write from the heart,
and there,
stand my conclusion.

god bless!!
-guidance, over and out

..invictus..

2008-04-23T02:54:00.000-07:00

out of the night that covers me,
black as the pit from pole to pole,
i thank whatever gods may be,
for my unconquerable soul.

in the fell clutch of circumstance,
i have not winced nor cried aloud.
under the bludgeonings of chance,
my head is bloody, but unbowed.

beyond this place of wrath and tears,
looms but the horror of the shade,
and yet the menace of the years
finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

it matters not how straight the gate,
how charged with punishments the scroll,
i am the master of my fate;
i am the captain of my soul.

obviously, i don't write this poem. it is from william earnest henley.
this poem inspires me in some ways only i understand.
this poem was recited by lucas scott in one of the episode of one tree hill, it is meaningful to the heart that gets what it's trying to say, so, if you are not getting it, dig deeper, it's there somewhere..

i am the master of my fate,
i am the captain of my soul,
i am invictus!!

god bless!!
-guidance, over and out